I’m five foot nine. My hair is long and it’s dark brown. I wear leather a great deal, high boots always, and sometimes glove-soft vests and even leather skirts now and then, and I wear lace, especially when I can find the kind I like: intricate, very old-fashioned lace, snow white. I have light skin that tans easily, large breasts, and long legs. And though I don’t feel beautiful and never have, I know that I am. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be a trainer at The Club.
–Exit to Eden by Anne Rice (aka Rampling), 1985
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
*”Rampling” was Rice’s pseudonym while she was writing erotica, mainly for this and the Sleeping Beauty quartet
i mean ….
lestat is on the my immortal train too lol
Anne Rice hates fanfiction! My Immortal is a satire of fanfiction about the fiction from an author who hates fanfiction. This makes everything even better.
This is just more evidence that you could teach a full semester course on My Immortal.
Add this to the ‘My Immortal was a troll all along’ evidence pile
I am absurdly, pettily happy that it’s Anne Rice getting slammed with the My Immortal comparisons.
(Is it me or does “My Immortal” sound very like the sort of title an Anne Rice book would have?)
Have we considered the possibility that Anne Rice actually wrote My Immortal?
:: squints ::
Y’know, the theory of Anne Rice having written My Immortal is nowhere NEAR as cracky as her last book was …
I didn’t know what the hell “My Immortal” was referring to for a long time and I just ASSUMED it was an Anne Rice novel by all the quotes I saw.
Anne Rice being the secret author of My Immortal is actually… not a bad theory? I mean, we know she HATES fanfiction, but also seeks it out (at least well enough to sue them) so she has some knowledge of fandom and probably of some of the styles/themes of the time. I could totally see her writing My Immortal in the dead of night, trying to wrap up every single thing she hates about fanfiction in one terribly-written package.
And she would never own up to it. EVER.
Alright guys spread the news: we’ve figured out who actually wrote my immortal. It was Anne rice.
Honestly, this makes just as much sense as any other theory that’s been proposed over the years
*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free
invasive species encroach on lesbian territory
This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.
A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.
Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.
As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.
Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.
This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.
A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.
Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.
One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.
Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.
Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.
Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.
Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.
personally I like to think steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th but someone asked him when his birthday was when he was doing his little show tour thingy and he just said it as an accident and/or a panic response in a bid to seem even more patriotic and everyone believed him and now it’s like 100 years later and he’s too deep in the lie to back out now bc he knows all the avenger’s would fucking publicly roast him if he admitted july 4th wasn’t actually his birthday- like he would literally never live that down- so he lives his life in fear that some bitch ass historian is gonna find his birth certificate and expose him
avengers: happy birthday, steve!
bucky, eyes narrowing: what the fuck your birthday isn’t until-
steve, holding back tears: shut up
Bucky tries to hand him a birthday card one cold December day, and Steve tackles him out a window before anyone else can see what he’s holding
Bruce: What was that crashing noise?
Tony, fiddling with something: Barnes just got tackled by Cap, because today is his actual birthday.
Bruce: How do you know?
Tony: My dad remembered it more than mine
Bruce: but you and Barnes threw him a huge party on the 4th of July this year.
Tony: Yeah, seeing him squirm about lying to the public is the best part of our country’s birthday.
Everyone’s like “those Germans have a word for everything” but English has a word for tricking someone into watching the music video for Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up.
